Paper Fortune Tellers

(Narrative essay for school)

I remember the day clearly, the day when my life would change forever. There were times that were simpler; times that I wish I could have back. I remember being in my bedroom for the first time and I wasn’t alone, but the love of my life was sitting next to me and we were as happy as could be.

Happiness is a strange emotion, it isn’t an easy thing to define; rather, it defines how we act in life and how we react to specific things that trigger a fleeting moment, or a nostalgic past time. For me, it is the nostalgia of being in love. Being with that someone you cherish like a bird in a cage hoping it will never fly away. That it could be yours forever, even though we all know birds eventually die; and my love eventually did. The longing grew into loneliness, and the loneliness grew into the faint desire of wanting to see that smile on her face one last time. But we’re succumbed by sadness, or, at least for me, I am easily saddened by the littlest of things.

Sadness to me is a foray that easily becomes an infestation of constant battling and strides for change. When depression strikes, it’s like a shot to the heart, without a bad Bon Jovi reference implied, but she gave love a band name. The love of my life turned on me – that was one thing I never thought could happen. I thought we would always be in love; always see the glistening smiles on each others faces. But the brewing storm clouds resonating above us followed us around like the little black cloud we see in all those cartoons. You feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, and it drags you to hell and back. You want to escape, but how?

Escaping from reality quickly became the only way to deal with anything. It was the constant need to feed off of my hatred, the need to see how deep I could go before I reached the center of the earth only to be consumed by flames. It was finding a sense of fear and looking it in the face. It desperately was finding a way to cope. But what surprised me, what I learnt about myself was, I only needed the sobering thoughts in my mind to find peace. It wasn’t the sadness, no! It wasn’t narcotics; it wasn’t even her. I know that sounds foolish, but, if you can’t find happiness within you, how will you ever be able to make someone else happy?

To find a sense of belonging within love is like being in a prison without a bed: eventually you’ll run yourself tired. The best way to find happiness in life is to be happiness in life. There isn’t a complex way to suggest these actions, it really is, simply put, be happy and every day in every way I am getting better and better. The love of my life (the lost love of my life) taught me that valuable lesson to never let one be consumed by hatred, by sadness, by narcotics, or any of the above. Always find your happiness from within and it will shine outward for everyone to see.

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